A Side Effect of Living Alone

When one lives alone, it’s easy to allow your self-indulgence to lead to decisions that are detrimental to your health. Luckily, I have no interest in drug use or heavy drinking, but I do tend to overeat, since everything in the fridge and the cupboards is selected BY me, FOR me. As a result, my weight has been steadily climbing. Not that having a living companion would change that much. One chirpy little “Let’s go for a hike” from a skinny roommate or boyfriend would send me scowling to my room with a box of Hostess SnoBalls. I’ll exercise when I damn well please, and suggestions to do otherwise can be crammed hard, thank you very much. But it’s easier for me to be very lazy when I'm not being observed and judged by someone else. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE living alone, and will always do so. But this does put the onus of my controlling my health squarely and exclusively on my shoulders.  I started Weight Watchers online this week.  I’m not announcing this to give them free advertising or to get “You go, girl!” feedback.  I’m stating it as a new thing in my life, a thing that will hopefully IMPROVE my life, both immediately and in the long run. I have no dreams to be a bikini model or a swizzle stick. I always have been and always will be heavy. I’m not doing this out of any concern about my looks but about my health. My cholesterol level is twice what it should be, my blood pressure is elevated. I am technically obese, which is such an ugly word, but it must be said. My clothes are uncomfortable, and I refuse to buy a whole new wardrobe in larger sizes to accommodate my girth, especially when I have within my power the ability to take control of it. I have made a conscious and careful decision to live alone for the rest of my life. As a result, I MUST stay healthy, both mentally and physically, or else I’ll be forced to surrender my independence and solitude, and become a burden to a family member or God forbid, an assisted living facility.  This is what I need to remind myself of when I’m tempted to eat a quarter of a cake or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. My autonomy must be maintained, at all costs.  I can rationalize any abuse to my body as a carpe diem fling. But as I approach my 45th birthday, I have to accept that balance is needed every day, for tranquility and strength. So of course, I’m not giving up on the Ben and Jerry’s but what I WILL do is focus on keeping all things in balance.