Facebook
keeps asking me to declare my relationship status. About once a week,
when I sign on through my smartphone, a little panel pops up, urging me
to finish my profile, but the only thing missing is the state of my
lovelife. Facebook is like that annoying relative who keeps asking about
every detail of your life and then gets huffy when you don’t want to
answer. I don’t know why they’re so keen to have that information, and
if they are, I don’t know why they don’t allow me to choose “Other” as
they do with Religious and Political views. They provide a menu of
options, but none fit my situation. I don’t want to put Single because
the unspoken connotation is “Single and Looking, Gentlemen!”. I don’t
want to select “It’s Complicated” because it really isn’t. It’s very,
very simple: I’m a Singularity. Introvert. Spinster. Quirkyalone.
Unattached. Solo Mio. Autocratic Overlord of my own Sovereign State.
Stubbornly independent to the point where I will sometimes place my
well-being in danger. I hesitate to use the word “Loner” because while I
do very much enjoy my solitude, I also like hanging with friends. I’m
not ANTI-social, just selectively social. I’m not a hermit, because I
leave my house all the time. And I’m not Anti-Couple, unless the couple
in question is insufferable, condescending, or insistent that I join the
Smug Couple Kingdom by letting them set me up with their
neighbor/brother/coworker. In many cases, one of the members of the
most vehemently self-righteous couples will confide in me privately that
their partner drives them nuts. Misery loves company, I guess. I don’t
know the right label to describe my status, but Facebook doesn’t have it
on their pulldown menu.
There
just seems to be no way to say that I’m single and very happy. Many
people read that as, “You’re not happy, you’re just resigned to it,
right? Have you tried eHarmony?” Arggh! I’m 47 years old, and I’m fully
content with my life. And when I think of my future, it is one of
solitude, and that’s good! Really. I promise you, I’m good with that.
It’s my plan. If I didn’t like the idea, I would be on the prowl
constantly for someone to pair off with. I just don’t want to. How else
can I state that? Perhaps a list of reasons as to why I am fulfilled
would be helpful. Here’s why I like being, and will continue to be,
single:
Freedom to do what I want, when I want, and not having to make sure it’s cool with someone else
Not having to deal with another person's drama
Not having to deal with another person's hangups
Not having to deal with another person's pouting
Not having to deal with another person's body odor or icky laundry
Not worrying about someone else putting up with my drama, hangups, pouting, body odor, and icky laundry
Spending my hard-earned money on myself, rather than things another person wants or needs
Being able to make decisions based solely on how the outcome will affect me, and just me
Making plans to do what I’m interested in doing
Being able to break those plans if I change my mind without ruining someone else’s plans
Sleeping in without being disturbed
Staying up late without disturbing someone else
Taking a nap
Watching what I want on my TV
Turning off the TV and being able to read in silence
Listening to what music I want to
Not being disappointed by someone
Not disappointing someone
Not having to assure someone that nothing is wrong, when all I want is silence
Being able to go for a walk or a drive, and not having to explain to someone that I just want to be by myself
Eating
what I want, when I want. If I want to eat spaghetti four days in a
row, well then, that’s what’s for dinner four days in a row
Letting the dishes sit overnight if I don’t feel like doing them
Not having to pretend I care about someone's sports team or job
Cluttering up my home with things that I find aesthetically pleasing, and not having to bargain for space to do so
Did
I mention doing what I want, when I want? It bears repeating, because
it is the central point of my life paradigm. Simply put: I want to do
what I want to do.
I
could go on and on. Facebook will just have to keep bugging me to pick
an answer, because what they want is too hard to explain. I am who I
am, and the most important word there is “I”.
